By Mended Counseling | National Wellness Month | Charlotte, NC
For many LGBTQIA+ folks, family isn’t just about blood—it’s about belonging. When biological families are unsupportive or unsafe, chosen family—the friends, mentors, and loved ones we intentionally gather—becomes a lifeline. This National Wellness Month, we honor how chosen family fosters mental wellness, strengthens resilience, and creates spaces where LGBTQIA+ people can heal and thrive.
Why Chosen Family Matters for Mental Health
Family rejection has a direct and devastating impact on mental health. According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ youth who experience family acceptance are 50% less likely to attempt suicide. For trans youth, strong family support—whether chosen or biological—reduces suicide risk by as much as 93% (source).
The absence of supportive family relationships often leads to increased rates of depression, anxiety, and substance use among LGBTQIA+ adults. A Charlie Health report found that queer adults with strong social networks experience significantly lower rates of depression and substance misuse. Simply put, love and connection save lives.
What is Chosen Family?
Chosen family refers to the relationships we intentionally create based on mutual care, love, and affirmation. Unlike traditional family structures, these bonds are formed by choice, not by bloodline or legal ties. For LGBTQIA+ folks, chosen family often provides the safety and acceptance missing in biological families (source).
Benefits of Chosen Family for Wellness:
- Emotional Safety: Being fully accepted lowers anxiety and depressive symptoms.
- Resilience Building: Social support helps buffer against minority stress and discrimination.
- Identity Affirmation: Chosen family validates lived experiences, encourages authenticity, and celebrates identity milestones.
The Science of Connection and Healing
Social connection is more than emotional—it’s physiological. Research shows that supportive relationships lower cortisol (the stress hormone), regulate the nervous system, and increase the brain’s production of oxytocin, a hormone linked to feelings of safety and bonding. These effects are particularly important for LGBTQIA+ folks, whose nervous systems may be chronically activated by experiences of discrimination or rejection.
Therapists often emphasize the power of secure attachment, and chosen family functions as a chosen secure base—providing the kind of consistent love that allows healing from past relational wounds.
Building Your Chosen Family: A Guide for LGBTQIA+ Folks
If you are longing to deepen your support network, here are five steps to begin creating or strengthening your chosen family:
1. Start With Shared Values
Look for people who share your values—kindness, mutual respect, and a desire for genuine connection. Chosen family isn’t about perfection; it’s about mutual growth and care.
2. Join Affirming Communities
Find spaces where LGBTQIA+ identity is celebrated, not just tolerated. In Charlotte, there are vibrant community options:
- Time Out Youth – A safe space for LGBTQ youth with events, drop-in hours, and peer-led support groups.
- Charlotte LGBTQ Community Center – Social groups, wellness workshops, and affirming events for adults and youth.
- Queen City Queer Yoga – Mindful movement in a welcoming environment, perfect for building friendships while nurturing your body.
3. Be Consistent and Show Up
Strong bonds form over time. Attend community events, join online LGBTQIA+ groups, or start a weekly coffee meet-up. Connection grows with consistency.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries
Even in chosen family, boundaries are key. Talk openly about your needs and respect others’ limits to keep relationships supportive and safe.
5. Celebrate Each Other
Chosen family thrives when you celebrate wins together—coming out anniversaries, name changes, or even everyday victories like finishing a tough week. These moments deepen emotional bonds and affirm identity.
How Therapy Complements Chosen Family
While chosen family provides community care, therapy offers professional guidance and deeper emotional processing. For LGBTQIA+ clients, therapy can:
- Help heal family-of-origin trauma so you can fully trust chosen family relationships.
- Teach communication skills to strengthen supportive bonds.
- Provide a safe space to explore identity and process minority stress.
At Mended Counseling, our therapists offer LGBTQIA-affirming care and trauma-informed modalities, including EMDR and Brainspotting, to help you process rejection wounds and build healthier relational patterns.
A Client’s Reflection
“My chosen family saved me. Finding people who love me for exactly who I am gave me hope again. Therapy helped me believe I was worthy of that love.”
Create Your Circle of Care
Your wellness journey is more powerful when shared. Surround yourself with people who remind you of your worth every day. Whether it’s joining a local LGBTQIA+ event, starting a group text with affirming friends, or stepping into therapy, you deserve relationships that nourish you.
Book a Session and Build Your Chosen Wellness Family
Share the Love
Tag your chosen family and thank them for being part of your healing. Share this post with #ChosenFamilyHealing and tag us on Instagram @mended_counseling.
Mended Counseling & Consultation proudly serves Charlotte, NC and surrounding areas including NoDa, University City, Highland Creek, Mallard Creek, Northlake and all surrounding areas. We also provide services online in NC, SC, VA, GA, and DC. All therapists are not licensed in all states. We specialize in trauma-informed, LGBTQIA-affirming care.
