Why You Feel Like You’re “Always Fighting” — And How to Reclaim Joy Without Opting Out

Every day feels like a battle. Whether you’re navigating microaggressions at work, pushing for equity in schools or hospitals, or advocating for inclusion in your community—you’re worn out. And not just tired—like, soul-deep exhausted.

This is not a failure of willpower. It’s the result of trauma-informed adaptation combined with emotional labor that isn’t evenly distributed. But pushing for justice doesn’t require sacrificing your peace. Let’s explore how to heal through activism and find joy without opting out of your purpose.

The Emotional Toll of Constant Resistance

Research shows that marginalized individuals carry far more than stress strategies. A 2020 American Psychological Association report confirms that BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ adults experience significantly higher chronic stress, largely due to ongoing prejudice and systemic inequities.

This chronic state of “fight mode” floods your system with cortisol, reprograms your nervous system to stay vigilant, and hardens emotional thresholds—so you can’t afford to feel, rest, or just be.

Why “Resilience” Isn’t Enough

“Strong Black woman syndrome,” “queer grit”—you’re expected to endure, persist, and overcompensate with excellence. Those survival parts are real and necessary. But when only the protector part runs the show, other parts of you may not show up.

Neuroscience teaches us that constant activation of the sympathetic nervous system reduces capacity for joy. Without downshifts, healing and creative energy can’t register.

Reclaiming Joy Is a Revolutionary Act

Dr. Brené Brown reminds us that joy and grief are siblings—when you refuse grief’s presence, you also reject joy’s full spectrum. For many community leaders, taking pleasure can feel disloyal. But reclaiming joy is radical self-care and resistance.

Tools for Healing While Staying Engaged

1. Internal Family Systems (IFS): Give Your Protector a Break

In IFS, the active “Protector” parts—overachiever, resistor, caretaker—need care. Invite those parts into awareness: “I see you running. You’ve kept me safe, and now these parts need a break.” Let Self lead with compassion.

2. Micro-Moments of Pleasure

Joy doesn’t need to be big. It can be moments throughout your day —a cup of tea, your favorite coffee, a walk in the park or dancing to a song. Find joy in the small things that are easily accessible. before bed. Even tiny delights help soften rigid systems.

3. Mindful Recharging Breaks

Micro-breathing throughout the day—inhale for 4, out for 6—anchors you back to peace, even in the middle of chaos. The longer exhale helps to decompress and relax. Do this as often as you can! A study from NIH found that brief, repeated breath practice reduces cortisol and improves emotional regulation.

4. Ethical Opting-In, Not Opting-Out

Rather than disappearing from activism out of burnout, define what you can hold today. Choose projects that align deeply with your values, and allow yourself to say “not my fight right now” without guilt. Sometimes we are taking up space that doesn’t belong to us. Leave some room for others to take up the mantel. Look at it like a relay marathon, you do one leg and pass the baton to the next until you have capacity.

Case Example: “Malik’s Permission to Lighten Up”

(Name changed.) Malik, a Black gay nurse in University City, carried guilt whenever he rested—especially in high-stakes health environments. In therapy, he began using IFS to speak to his “activist part,” saying: “You can step back. I’m here now.” He incorporated small rituals—morning playlists, kitchen dance sessions—that slowly reintroduced ease into his life without abandoning purpose.

Rituals of Rooted Rejuvenation

• Monday Mantra: “I am enough even when I am still.”
• Two-Minute Dance Break: Move freely, unguarded.
• Gratitude Jar: Drop in small moments that brought warmth or peace.

Why Charlotte Professionals Need This

In professions rooted in care—healthcare, education, finance—you carry systemic responsibility. For BIPOC and queer professionals in Charlotte, it’s cultural, too. You deserve rituals of restoration just as much as your communities might need your leadership.

You Can Show Up Without Giving In

Yes, activism matters. But not at the expense of your soul. Healing doesn’t mean stepping away—it means stepping into your life with boundaries, pleasure, and radical self-kindness.

At Mended Counseling, we support BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ professionals through **IFS care, mindfulness coaching, and ritual-based resilience practices**—so you can stand for your values while standing for yourself.

👉 Book your reclaim-your-joy session today—and find ease in your fight.

Mended Counseling & Consultation proudly serves Charlotte, NC and surrounding areas including NoDa, University City, Highland Creek, Mallard Creek, Northlake and all surrounding areas. We also provide services online in NC, SC, VA, GA, and DC. All therapists are not licensed in all states. We specialize in trauma-informed, LGBTQIA-affirming care.